Remembering When It hurt

We all have them. The chapters in our life books where desperation and pain was splattered across the pages and the words blurred by the hot tears that fell as they were written.

None of us are exempt from pain, loss, embarrassment, fear and the horrid feeling of being entirely alone. We write about those days of misery. We sing about our pain. We often try and one up each other in who has been through more hell.
 
Most humans walk around not knowing that all those wounds show up in the spiritual realm—the gouges of resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness, abuse, un-belief, torture, despair and harassment—and I could keep going, but I guess you get the point.

If we have healed spiritually or emotionally, I believe all those ugly moments are scars that are closed up.

Everything is forming us and molding us. We don’t stay the same. We get worse, or we get healed. It's a fallacy to believe we just hover emotionally in the same spot for days, months, years.
 
There is a song by Josh Groban called Remember When it Rained. I don’t know exactly what inspired the writer, but to me it speaks about hitting rock bottom and the only place to go was to God. I sometimes listen to this when I need to remember that one day, this pain or fear I’m in currently, will be in the past. I will have conquered it. It will not have conquered me.

If we are wise enough, we can grasp the understanding that there is a way past the pain and that if we allow Him to, God can transform anything we have had to endure into a story of His goodness.  

Because what we have come through and are going through, the labor of it all, can be and is being birthed into something beautiful.
 
God wastes nothing. 

I was in Walmart recently. I noticed a young mom with her small baby shopping in the aisles and popping open a cookie container to give to her hungry kiddo. I am not the type to eat then buy, so I made a mental note of this young mom because she stuck out to me. 

I pushed my cart to the register, wondering if I myself would have enough money in my budget to cover my own bill. I walked past the noted young mom who was at an opposite register and noticed that she was unable to pay for her groceries. “I guess he forgot to put money in the bank for me…” I hear her tell the checker. She emptied her wallet out on the counter with loose dollars and change and paid for the item her baby had already been eating. Then took the walk of shame over to the bench with her unpaid cart of groceries and sat down. I watched her try and phone what I presumed was her husband. She then got up and pushed her cart further into the customer service area and informed them she wasn’t able to buy her groceries.

I was feeling empathy the whole time for this young lady. I knew what this felt like to not have money to pay for the groceries while at the register.

 Then I heard the Holy Spirit say to me, “YOU pay for her groceries…” I am learning to be immediately obedient to His voice even if what He is asking feels uncomfortable.  

My heart fluttered, and I watched her start walking out, again, He said, “do not let her walk away!” I left the register I was at and stopped her.
 
“Excuse me miss?” How much was your bill for your cart of groceries?”
She looked at me kind of shocked, “Um.. it was 59 dollars…”
“Come with me” I walked back to my purse and dug in my wallet and pulled out 60 dollars exactly. I handed it to her. “Please go buy your groceries.” 
She hesitated and began with the “ you don’t need to do this…” speech. 
“Let me stop you right here. I know what this feels like and I want to pay for your groceries, please take this money and go do it.” 
She took it and thanked me and went and bought her cart of food. 
The lady at the register had watched everything and quietly said to me, “that was a really kind thing for you to do.” 
“Well, I know what this feels like.” I murmured.

And boy the relief I had in being obedient in that moment to what God was prompting me to do was huge. I did feel personally a lot of empathy, but it was his direction that paired with my empathy and put action to the call. I could have missed the opportunity to bless this young woman and not only that but to have passed a little test with God. Was I willing to remember in a healthy way? Was I willing to hear the prompt to do it? And finally, was I willing to take action with the prompt? Yes.
 
I will say, the Lord blessed me in the next week with an extra 240 dollars for groceries that was unexpected. He doesn’t cease to return finances when we give graciously and freely. 

I was fully aware of what someone else was going through because I have not forgotten that pain of standing at the counter with no money when I thought I had it.

I don’t let the fear run me, nor the experiences I have had with money cause me to be afraid and dictate my life. But I do allow my experience to let me be a support to others in the same predicament.

It is important for us to represent hope to those around us who are walking through the same fire we walked through. Our life experience should be a gift to others in the ways that we find opportunities to lift people up when they are discouraged or help support them in their needs and desperation that we ourselves know something about.  

What amazing things God does with our horrible experiences—if we allow Him to.
We are partners with Him on His growing the flowers over the graves of our experienced pain.

And I’m here for it.
I don’t like to waste things. 
And I love flowers!

Let's get emotionally and spiritually healed—lets make that normal. So that we can look and remember when it rained without being swallowed by the paralyzation of it and becoming of no use.

And let's tell each other the stories we are the actors in when it comes to being the person we needed long ago to someone else.
 
Let's be aware and fill the gaps where support is needed. Let's change the world together while we live in transformation from our past pain to today's hope.